Hello my lovely cat people!
I hope you’re having/had a good day!
Here’s a short story that I wrote, so I hope you like it!
I should warn you though, it does contain some gore and violence, etc, so if you’re not into that, then please don’t read this, as I don’t particularly want to give you nightmares…
I love you all~! ❤
This is it. This is the point where my life will either stop or keep going, this is the end of the road for me. So many people, mainly my friends and some members of the family, kept telling me, “Don’t do it, it’s not worth your time!” But I don’t listen to people these days, so I decided to act upon my decision and let go.
Sitting alone in a bathtub probably isn’t the best way to spend last moments of your life, now that I think about it. It would’ve been better to drive out onto a bridge or something, have a last drink and then jump, hoping that your dead body will not float up to the surface – that way you remain hidden from the world and you will slowly be forgotten.
Being forgotten sucks. Lately I have always contemplated whether I will be missed when I’m gone. I have also come to the conclusion that people will soon forget about me anyway, kind of like they are now. This is part of the reason why I’m here.
People often say that taking your life is the “cowardly way out” and that there’s “so much to live for!” In our society, the world is slowly, but surely, filling itself up with douchebags and rich people. If you’re slightly below the norm of “popular” or any other kind of group, you are straight away thought of as an outcast and will be given constant looks of judgement. Like me, for example. I really enjoyed playing video games in my spare time. Whenever I’d come home, I remember how I always went to play something either on my computer or on a platform of some sort – I have a lot of them at home! But then, people started naming me things and calling me ‘nerd’, ‘low-life’… You catch my drift. After that, I stopped… But the bullies didn’t.
That’s the thing about this world – the strong will prey on the weak, there is no escape from it. No matter how much our world leaders would like to stop it, it will always happen. Like underage drinking, smoking, drug abuse, etc. There are just some problems that will not go away, no matter how hard we try.
So here I am, in my bathtub with blade in hand, ready to take my own life. I have left no notes, no last-minute goodbye texts… I’m just going to disappear. I’m really curious how long I can go unnoticed for. I have lost all faith in this world and my so-called friends. I don’t want to be around in this world for much longer.
With the sharp letter opener in-hand, I bring it closer to my wrists, slowly gashing away at the scars that were already there. And there were a lot of them. The red warm liquid started running down my arm, dripping away into the white bathtub. What a shame, this was only bought a few days ago… I suppose this is one way of remembering me – by my bloodstains.
This feeling of power and complete powerlessness at the same time was exhilarating, I think this is the part of cutting that I enjoy the most. My psychiatrist told me otherwise, of course, but he can’t stop it. I can’t stop it… This is like my heroin, where I actually need to continue to survive. It is essential to my living. Which is why I have decided to end it.
Many people would disagree with me. They would try and convince me of finding another way, tell me to look for good things in the world. But honestly, I’m so done with advice. No matter how hard I try, there will always be a day where I’ll remember everything bad I’ve done, which will further lead me to a conclusion that I am a terrible person and should not exist.
My first encounter with blood occurred a couple of years back, when I was about 16. Don’t like to remember about it, but they say that your life flashes before you when you die. I feel like I am in a church, confessing about my sins. But I find this more helpful; since this is me targeting my problems instead of other people telling me I have them.
I remember the face clearly, she was pale but her lips were bright red – the lipstick really complemented her look. She was wearing a short dress, the kind of one you would wear to impress someone. She tried to impress me, but by that point I was starting to shut down from the world and ignored everything around me. I wish I didn’t.
She looked so beautiful, maybe a little bit like a vampire. We were out in an alleyway, it was dark and there was only a street lamp. She was smoking. The toxic gas filled the chilly air and started to sting my lungs. After a while, she offered me a smoke, but I refused. Didn’t want to further worsen my health. Jess was the type of person who would always look out for everyone, which is why she was always stressed and in need of a relief, because everyone was dumping their problems onto her. She tried helping me one time, but, as you can see, it didn’t exactly work.
We were standing there quietly, Jess was shivering a little – her breath along with the smoke was dancing around in the light. We could hear the loud bass coming from the inside, she wanted to get back in as soon as possible and tried to finish smoking quickly. But I guess she wasn’t quick enough…
Among the ear-tearing music, I could hear something else. It was faint, but there were definitely a group of people heading our way. Something told me that we should get inside now, but I didn’t listen to my instincts. They came up to us, to Jess mostly, asking for cigarettes or lighters. Jess offered, but as soon as she did, a silver blade could be seen shining in one of the hands of those boys. As soon as I saw it, it went straight in… The doctors couldn’t do anything – they came too late, so Jess died on the spot.
Her blood was seeping through her white dress and was almost the same colour as her lipstick. My hands were forever stained and it is not something I can remove so easily. For many years I have carried this burden, among many others… But since then I have realized that I liked the feeling of blood seeping down someone’s body. I liked the feeling of being relied on and being in control.
I don’t want to hold this off for much longer… So these are truly the last moments of my life, spent thinking about all the bad things I have done… Everyone’s minds become corrupt with something, which is sad when you think about it. I don’t recommend anyone ending life this way, it’s not for everyone. Gashing their throat, resulting in a slow and painful death, is not a “fun” way to die.
This is it… My mind is all over the place and I have to end this now… Who would’ve thought that the life of Finnegan Fletcher would’ve ended at such a young age… They would say that he had so much to live for and it is sad that it had to end this way. But in their minds, they will all think he is a coward. Finnegan was a good guy, most of the time, but lost his way early on.
I know I will not be missed.
But sometimes, I hope I will be.
The cold blade touches my neck… The blood is seeping through the deep wound and I hear myself gurgle.
Life became meaningless… This is why it had to end.
But what a shame about that bath…